Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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