she woke up with a sticky ear
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
