I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there was a trapeze. enough said
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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