Just cropdusted the office
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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