Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
whose parrot is this?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
