Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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