Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
