Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
