That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
