I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Randomize
