i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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