Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
