my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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