is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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