WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Someone shit on the floor
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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