talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
