Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have so many feelings about this burrito
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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