The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
