First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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