bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
