I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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