we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
