we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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