They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
