You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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