Duck Duck Cougar?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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