i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
