what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
