I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
