I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
