never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
