He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
