How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
