My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
