Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
