We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Holy sore nipples Batman
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
