I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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