hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
