so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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