My hand turned me down
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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