You're completely useless in the revolution.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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