She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
