I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
