I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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