Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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