he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
