I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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