the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
