I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
