Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
