i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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