I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it's like iHOP with fire
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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