Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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