So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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