Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
