Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
