So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
