I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
