at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
