wrigley field is MILF paradise
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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