all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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