sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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