I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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