so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
being pregnant is like rehab
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
