Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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