i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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