Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
